A post about excuses … lots of ‘why nots’

30 Apr

Day 92- A First Love

Image by Jinx! via Flickr

I’m going to be dead honest for a moment. I love this blog. That is, I love the concept of it. The doing of it is difficult for me.

I love British literature. I was in the library yesterday yearning to read all the books before me (Life in Medieval England, The Complete History of Great Britain, Kings and Queens, etc.) and realizing I don’t have enough time in my life to read them all. Why, why, why, don’t I have enough time? I don’t have kids. I don’t have a job that’s so demanding that I don’t have time for myself. But what I do have is a ton of interests. I love to do volunteer work. I love to watch TV. I love to go out to eat. I love keeping in touch with people, which means time on the phone, on e-mail and on Facebook. I love to cook. So paring it down to read what I want in British lit doesn’t come easily.

But the point of this blog was to make me sit down and do it. Read it, absorb it and write about it. I do read it and I tend to absorb it. My stopping point comes with the writing about it. I feel paralyzed by fear that I didn’t read enough or read it thoroughly or understand it properly, and I can’t possibly put something out there that makes me look stupid, right? Except the fact that I post once every 2 to 3 months and yet continue the facade of “Day 19” accomplishes that mission all on its own….

It is one of the things that will make me die unhappy, that is, having not absorbed a satisfactory amount of British lit before my day is up. I can’t let myself die feeling lost without having this simple feat accomplished. Because I have so many other things I want to do — after this, I want to go after the anthology of American literature, plus there’s a million other books out there I want to attack.

So I will take comfort in the fact that I don’t have enough readers to judge my lack of British history knowledge or my shallow understanding of literary theory. I will post, by God, whether it’s good or not, and relish in my plan of making British literature as much a part of my life as I truly want it to be.

Do you hear that, Sir Thomas Wyatt? You’re next!

Editor’s note: This post was written on my original blog one year ago. I have not posted since then. This is another of my failures. I have had tons of drama the past year that I have allowed to become an excuse for not writing. I’m trying to stop this continuing failure and get back into my book! Any encouragement is welcome; apparently, I don’t do well trying to take on such a monumental task in a vacuum.


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2 responses to “A post about excuses … lots of ‘why nots’

  1. David

    May 6, 2011 at 11:54 pm

    True, it’s depressing to express yourself to a vacuum. I hope you don’t stop posting, though. I enjoy your thoughts on the texts you read. Don’t mind about not knowing enough context — even many of us who have studied the field feel that way all the time. For my post on The Dream of the Rood, which I translated myself years ago, I wasted time by frantically trying to study Old English again, hoping that would remind me of enough background to make my post better. It didn’t help — I just had to go off what was in my head, and that was fine.

    What matters isn’t the historical background to a piece of literature so much as how you respond to it personally. Anyone can look up facts about Sir Thomas Malory or John Donne. What makes for good conversation is expressing what you think they said and what it means to you.

    Here’s waiting for a new post about a piece of British literature from you!

    • The Sidebar Review

      May 8, 2011 at 2:05 pm

      Thanks, David! I appreciate the encouragement. I will post some more soon!


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